Wednesday, 29 September 2010 I mean Bags of Fun

Let the pleasant side effects commence.

If I offered you a new drug, never mind what it does, just assume something amaaaazing, and I told you there were a few side effects, though, as a caution. The side effects include constant nausea, audible retching at your desk at work, tummy bloating 15x it's original size if any morsel of meat is consumed, poos like tiny scratchy beach pebbles, teenage puberty skin, shrunken clothes, and emotional *vulnerability*. These side effects of the amaaaazing drug will continue for at least 3-4 months prior to any visible benefit from the drug. After which time, at least, others will notice some more obvious physical modifications from the drug, and compliment you on your successful treatment.

Some initial side effects mercifully fade, although others, such as tiny scratchy rock poos and tummy bloating 15x it's original size, worsen, and the rating changes from 'mild to moderate', into 'Serious Adverse Events' with severe intensity. After 8 months of successful treatment, additional effects become incorporated into your treatment, such as sciatica-that-would-cripple-any-lumberjack, as well as Appaloosa style skin blotching which rivals any prize horse. You will succumb to a torture session lasting 6 - 52 hours, although kindly supervised by a practice nurse. Then, the drug suddenly takes effect! You will be presented with the amaaazing something that has been promised from the beginning.

Would you take it? Is it worth it?

How people continue through the ages procreating under these conditions, I don't know.

At work, I have been finding myself not able to control a retch or two, like proper gagging retching, sitting right at my desk! In an open concept office! "Ahem, hem hem cough cough" I say, "Oh, I've got a cough!" I say, as I retch again into the cold blue face of my computer. With that style of office, luckily many people have become accustomed to blocking out the background noises, so I think I am clear, for now. This is evidenced by a comment I made today to my across-to-the-side colleague, as a lady walked by with very squeaky shoes, 'squeak mew squeak mew squeak mew' as she walked in front of our desks. I said "She must have a kitten in her shoe!". He didn't laugh. Because he didn't hear me? Or because it wasn't funny? I'll never know, but I'd like to assume it's because he didn't hear. Hrumph.

Many people take loads of drugs, with crazy side effects. Today I just had a conversation about this weight loss drug, which makes you poo loads of crazy gross fatty poos. What a terrible side effect! ZILLIONS of people take it, though, GAzillions, even. Because they want to shit themselves thin! Good for them, the choice was worth it for them.

I'll take the drug I have offered up. I do think it IS worth it. The choice is worth it for me, too.

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