Tuesday, 2 November 2010

My Moron Target

Does everyone have this happen - or is it just me?

Out of all the people I know, socially or at work, there is everyone else who thinks I am normal and even slightly clever, and then there is one person, I have phrased my Moron Target, who I cannot seem to not act a total moron in front of. Unfortunately this target has recently migrated from a social person I know, to a work colleague. Which I think is worse, because I imagine she goes back to her friendly colleagues in her department, and discusses what a nut job/moronic/emotional spaz case I am. Not a good thing for the workplace.

I would like to clarify that this is not on purpose. Believe me, I try not to be a moron on most occasions. I am not sure the reason either for why it always happens to the same person, again and again - but I suspect it gets seeded by an initial moronic incident, and then every time I am faced with that target person again, the embarrassment bubbles up into my brain and causes me to think like a bubble head weirdo. Then without me knowing it, something truly senseless and irrelevant, or even inappropriate pops out of my silly mouth. Then my moronicness is further reinforced to that target person. It is a self-perpetuating monster.

I am sure the seeding moment for my workplace target, let's call her 'Sue' (which she is not named at all, the relevance of this will be elucidated shortly), was at an induction session when I had recently just started back at work. There is 'Sue' in the room, and about 7 other recent inductees, discussing Key Account Management, and what are some worries we may have, or where do we feel we might need more practice or support? It comes to me, and I must have climbed on at that moment a surfing huge wave of initial pregnancy hormones (although I didn't know it yet) and I started delving, rambling on (I'll save you the details) and somehow ended with the statement "...and I feel the weight of the WHOLE FUTURE of the company on my shoulders!". Talk about melodrama! 'Sue' then said, in a 'Hmmm let's stop the crazy lady talking before she frightens the actual newcomers...' way "OK, thanks Heather...umm...before it gets emotional... ha ha...er ha." Ugh. How embarrassing. It's the type of moment that you don't realize you must have got carried away, until someone notes to you that you have got carried away.

I thought it may have been a one-off, but today there was a far worse incident on the scale of embarrassing moronic things to do, and again 'Sue' was my target. I realize now that my target now has shifted, permanently, to workplace 'Sue'. With my previous social target, another nursery mum, I was a moron for almost 2 years with her - is 'Sue' in for the same treat?

I had some papers on my desk that I needed to pass on to Sue - the ACTUAL Sue. Of note, I haven't really seen 'Sue' much since the induction session, as we work in totally separate areas, although on the same floor. The ACTUAL Sue works 2 floors down. I am working away at my desk, in the open concept office [also important to note, as anything that happens is on display for all to witness] and along the desk alleyway, which is a main drag that my desk faces, I spot 'Sue'. I think to myself Oh good! There's Sue, I'll just hand her these things right now....then I call out "Oh! Sue, Sue....wait a sec...Sue...SUE!" I call out again. To no response. You would think then I would realize something was not quite right here. Instead, in my zeal, I pursue 'Sue'. I see she is rounding the main drag corner, heading for the exit alleyway. I get up, and take the shortcut route through the desks, where other people are working, sort of jogging, skipping, scurrying my way though, dodging desks and feet and whatnot, to cut her off at the pass. I then pop out, having succeeded at cutting her off at the pass, and practically right in her face, a bit out of breath also from my desk dodging adventure, and say "'Sue!' I was trying to catch you, you mustn't have heard me....." then, the moment of cold dread hit me, as I looked her in the eyes, and hit me hard. And fast. These realities came flooding in, within seconds: This woman is not Sue at all. She doesn't even look like Sue. In fact, I know who this woman is, she is from the department from the induction room incident, and has nothing to do with Sue. This woman does not want my papers. I do not even really work with this woman. Why am I accosting her? Why on earth did my moronic brain think, very convincingly, 'Hey, that's that lady you want to give your papers to! Go GET HER!'.

I am glad the realities flooded in so quickly, as I may have been able to make a recovery. I then said "Oh gosh, sorry! I saw the back of you walking away and I thought you were Sue - I thought you mustn't have heard me! You look just like her from the back heh heh ummm...so sorry about that." Then, charmingly [like a total moron] I said "You must think me a total nutcase! ha ha!". Cringe. She gives me a funny look [probably noting aha! this is the unstable character from the induction session!] and says "No, no...uh...are you alright otherwise?" inching along her way..." yes, fine....sorry again..." and I skulk back to my desk, feeling a total tool. This lady has long-ish blonde hair. The real Sue has shorter funky red hair. They do NOT look 'just like' each other from the back. At all. A total save-myself-if-I-can lie.

At least when my Moron Target was my nursery mum social friend, there was no threat to how I am perceived by TEAMS of others. I merely said stumbling silly things at the nursery doorways as we were toing and froing. Well, the benefit of my target transfer though, for this friend, is that I seem to be able to be normal again with her. Thank goodness it is only one target at a time. We had a lovely chat at the nursery doorway today.

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